The Key to Parenting

2018-02-28T15:42:27+00:00 November 13th, 2017|

Emotional release and letting go allows you to have greater power over yourself, your emotions and even your external circumstances. It enables you to take greater responsibility in parenting by dealing with the root cause behind any experience. From the perspective of this article, this is your suppressed, repressed and unprocessed emotional energy.

The first thing to acknowledge is that we ALL carry suppressed emotions. The majority of people who say they don’t, actually carry a tremendous amount which is hidden within their physical and psychic body. This can be seen by the frequent emotional episodes of irritation, frustration, sadness, guilt and many other emotional outbursts found in the spectrum of human experience.

In the traditional parenting model, the focus is often on controlling the child’s behaviour through the mechanisms of punishment and reward. I believe that both these methods can be successful to some degree in emergency situations but generally they do more damage than good. Rewarding your child might seem to be effective but in reality, it is an external mechanism used to create an internal feeling within the child. This is dangerous because the child learns not listen to their true guidance mechanism. At this point they become more susceptible to peer pressure and outside influence.

Most of the traditional methods are about setting boundaries and ensuring these are kept to. You have to parent by setting external conditions on the child and making sure these are adhered to. The child can be involved in this but I believe there is a more natural way. The most effective way to parent is by dealing with your own thoughts and feelings. Doing this addresses the causal aspect of your parenting experience and this is always your suppressed feelings and emotions.

Real change in your external world comes when you begin to make changes within.  I believe that most of the time, we are blocking the child in developing in an effective way because of our own issues. These are issues that are hidden from view and because we are so conditioned we continue this way of parenting without being conscious of what we are really doing. Most of our issues are extremely well hidden so it is a rare parent indeed that really sees how his own suppressed anger or grief creates an environment where the child acts out.

If you can take a shift in perception by understanding the only reason you are experiencing your child misbehaving is so that YOU can heal then you can make massive shift in how you parent. When you take full responsibility for your child’s behavior by dealing with your own emotional state then that is true power.

Ho’oponopono

There is a Hawaiian method of forgiveness called Ho’oponopono which involves taking 100% responsibility for your life experience. The four phrases you use to do this are:

I am sorry

Please forgive

Thank you

I love you

Whenever you encounter a challenging event with your child where they seem to act out and within you there is an emotional reaction, you repeat these four phrases. You can do this quietly in your own mind towards the child or to yourself. It is your choice.  You repeat them with the understanding that you are 100% responsible  for your experience of what is happening. In Ho’oponopono they call it cleaning  and you do this with the knowing that you are the creator of your life experience. As you do this, you notice the parts of yourself that are creating these circumstances and when you start to let them go your outside world begins to change. Your child behaviour begins to change in direct proportion to the work done on yourself.

Improve your Parenting by going on an Emotional Detox

It is the same thing with emotional clearing or emotional release. Going on an inner emotional detox enables you to be more balanced and see the world in a new light. You can take off your emotional glasses and see life exactly as it is without distortion. Distortions of life are solely based on your suppressed emotional energy which are run by false belief systems. Even your cultural conditioning and biases have their roots in this. As long as you are wearing glasses of anger or guilt then this is how you will perceive your child. As a result, your child will mirror their behaviour to correspond with your own inner emotional state.

Why would your own suppressed emotions and feelings influence the behavior of your child? I believe the reason this happens is for us to face our deep-seated beliefs.  Each erroneous belief we carry is supported with unpleasant feeling and both feeling and belief are unconscious. This means we do not even know they exist. Now the only way we can free ourselves of these unpleasant energies it to become aware of them. This means they have to attract circumstances and people into our lives for them to be triggered. Once triggered, they become conscious and then they can be let go of.

As adults, we have suppressed a tremendous amount of emotional energy and as mentioned previously what happens is that the universe creates the world outside as an identical replica to what is inside of us. It does this by the law of attraction so that eventually we can face and own up to how we are creating our universe and life experience.

This mirror image of our own emotional state is reflected most well in those closest to us especially our children.  Most people are well aware of how easily they can be triggered by their partners, friends and children. All that is happening is that their own hidden emotions are being made conscious so that they can be released.

Projection

Circumstances, people and especially our children will continue to trigger our suppressed emotions as long as they exist within us. These emotions which were once dormant within us are made conscious. Once conscious, two things happen, either we project the cause of that feeling onto the child or other external circumstance or we take responsibility for that emotion then let it go. If projection occurs then we re-suppress the emotion.

If we re-suppress that feeling then the universe will continue to provide us with events and people that continue to trigger it. It does this and with ever increasing intensity so that eventually we take responsibility for the world outside and our creation of it. If we do not deal with the causal aspect of our experience, which is our suppressed feelings then the same patterns of our life will repeat, our children will continue to act out and we will be faced with similar challenges and situations.

When an emotion is triggered, the mind does not want to take responsibility and so refuses to so. Instead the cause of the feeling is attributed to external people or circumstances. That mechanism is called projection. Projection is the fundamental cause of many of the disagreements, conflict and wars on this planet. Projection happens because it is too painful to turn inwards to find the real cause of the pain.

When a child’s actions trigger their parents latent anger, projection causes the parent to believe that what the child did is the cause of their anger. However, that is not true. The child’s actions were only the trigger. The true cause of the anger was a suppressed angry feeling and belief found within the parent.

Improving Relationships through Emotional Release

Facing your emotions and feelings are the key to parenting well. As you gain the courage and strength to face and let them go then amazing things start to happen. Your child starts to change in response to your own inner work. The reason behind this is because when you have fully let go, there is no need for circumstances or people to trigger your internal feelings.

As you continue to face, embrace and finally let go of all feelings and emotions all your relationships change. You become more balanced and begin to parent more from intuition then from past conditioning. You see things clearly and where previously you might have judged your child as bad, you now understand this is a misperception.

See the Gift in Every Challenging Circumstance

As you begin this journey into the world of your feelings, you will very quickly see that each argument, altercation and misbehavior is a gift to you. Each time you are triggered emotionally is an opportunity to let go. Each time your child refuses to listen to you is a gift for you to become more loving. There may even come a time where you welcome these unpleasant experiences because you understand the true meaning behind them.

Parenting using emotional release therapy is an immensely powerful way of taking the power back into your own hands.  However, if truth be told it should not be thought of as a therapy but more of a way of life.

Summary

  • Your external world is a mirror of your internal world
  • Your suppressed and repressed emotions attract circumstances and people into your life. They influence how your child behaves around you.
  • Projection is when you abdicate responsibility for your emotions to something outside of you.
  • You can change the relationship with your child by letting go of your suppressed emotions.
  • There is an opportunity to let go in every challenging circumstance.

 

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