What is the mechanism for emotional release? How can we actually do it? As children we do it quite naturally but as adults it may not appear to be that easy. However, this is only just an appearance and if we want to, letting go can be very easy.
In the next two articles I am going to talk about two different methods. One is the proactive approach the other is more as and when. Both methods are very similar.
Release of Feelings when they Occur
In order for it to be effective, we must release our emotions on a continuous basis. That means as an emotion or feeling rises up we must decide there and then that we are willing to let go of it. The point to note though is that often we do not want to let go. We want to remain angry or aggrieved. For a long time, I pretended to myself that I wanted to let go but in reality I did not.
Step 1 – The first step is to become aware that you are experiencing a feeling. This might be obvious but sometimes we are so caught up in the mind that we are not even aware of this.
Step 2 – The next step is to locate where in your body the feeling is. Often it will be in your stomach, chest or throat. It will be a particular sensation which does not feel good. Find where it is and examine how intense it is.
Step 3 – Just feel it. From this point you need to feel it as fully as possible. This means allowing it to be there without resistance. We must fully embrace any feeling that occurs and just allow it to do what it wants to do. This step can take anywhere between a few seconds or even a few days to process.
Step 4 – If we are able to feel the feeling fully then there will come a stage were we realize we are not this feeling. We are separate from this feeling. We are not anger. We are not grief. We are not embarrassment. This will be a realization that will cause you to break the identification with the feeling.
Step 5 – Let it go. Once we become the observer of the feeling then it is easier to let it go. When we become the observer of our feelings then they are no longer locked in place. It is then that you decide to let them go. On most occasions it will just happen.
Step 6 – Examine yourself and notice whether you feel any different. The release of a feeling will be accompanied by a lighter sensation. Bring up the situation again in your mind that originally caused your upset and see if you feel any different about it.
Points to note
– The most important point about all of this is your will. You MUST have an incredible will to face some of these feelings. You must decide that you will stick with the feeling for as long as it takes and no matter how unpleasant it is. Be tenacious and don’t give up. There will be some feelings that you cannot face initially but the more you do this process, the easier it will be.
– At the very beginning try working on the smaller feelings. You will not have the time and inclination to work through a feeling that may take a couple of days to process. As you let go of the smaller feelings you will have more energy to work on the more difficult ones.
– Please note that often there will be fear of the feeling itself. Before facing that feeling, face your fear about the feeling. Resistance to the technique is also a feeling. Be willing to face that too.
– Breath into the feeling. During step 3 try to breath into the feeling and notice any pauses in your breathing. Pauses indicate resistance to what is. Keep breathing continuously.
– Give up your addictions and stay with the feelings that come up when you do. This is a hard one but once you become accustomed to facing your feelings, your addictions will be easier to let go of.
– The mind will do anything not to face these feelings. It will project these feelings onto the outside world. The real cause is inside of you. Remember that when you want to give up. Ignore the minds story and just stay with the feeling.
– Don’t play the victim. This happened to me many times. I wasn’t aware of it but I got carried away with the story in my mind. Step out of this role and just observe.
The process above if applied with will and determination can change your life dramatically. It will improve all areas of your life. It will improve your ability to work, to run a business, to handle your relationships and to just be a happier person. Remember you are not responsible for the feelings of others. That is their work. Be your authentic self.