For the past year and 3 months I have been carrying around a chronic shoulder injury. It came about after having fallen whilst ice skating. It was a sharp stabbing pain which I thought would go away within a few days. However, over the past 15 months the pain never disappeared. It was consistent in its intensity and because of it I lost the full range of motion in my left shoulder. I stopped climbing and my ability to play tennis diminished.
Even for a few years now my shoulders have been in some sort of discomfort. I thought it was natural wear and tear from playing numerous racquet sports and climbing. However, understanding emotional releasing as I do, I considered that the deeper cause of my shoulder pain was not physical but emotional. In fact, the two were interlinked.
It was a friend of mine that suggested that the cause of the shoulder pain may be due to excessive emotional burdens. I had previously tried to find the emotional cause but her words gave me added impetus to look deeper and with greater will. Previously I had made a half-hearted attempt to find the cause but not really believing that I would do so.
Two weeks ago, though, I sat down and asked myself what burdens have I been carrying around with me. The first thing that came to my mind was the burden of sorting out everything related to my father’s death some seven years ago. Another thing that came to my mind was the financial burden that this brought along with it and how this was still on going. As these realisations hit me then so did my emotions. I felt resentment towards family members that did not help me financially. I felt sadness at the whole situation. With this the tears came flowing out. Tears of sadness about the situation I was in. I was surprised at their intensity but I made a commitment to stay with them and not be distracted. Twenty minutes later I was done.
My first conscious thought was about my shoulder. To my genuine surprise, I found that much of the pain in my shoulder had disappeared. I was amazed. I had greater range of movement and not so much pain as before. Even though I knew intellectually and from experience this was possible, I was still surprised at how big an effect this release had on my shoulder. I decided though to give it some time to see if this healing was long-term. I made a mental note to return to this later.
It was a week later that I decided to revisit this process of self-enquiry. My question was once again the same as before. An enquiry into the nature of my current life’s burdens. The immediate thing that came to mind was a business venture. I had been thrust into a situation where I was expected to do most of the work. Even though my business partners were always helpful, there was a part of me that had grown resentful about the quantity of work I was doing as compared to the others. I felt alone and even though I had help, I felt like I didn’t.
My immediate thought was to write my business partners an email. Even before I had finished writing the first sentence the tears came once more and they came with such a deep intensity that I just couldn’t continue writing. It took me an hour to write that email. Each time I wrote a sentence, more tears and more suppressed emotions rose to the surface to be dealt with. To be honest I had not expected this and was surprised at the magnitude of the emotion.
It wasn’t until after I had finished writing the email that I decided to check in with my shoulder. To my immense surprise, 99% of the pain was completely gone! I had almost the full range of motion and I could extend, bend and flex my shoulder in ways that I wasn’t able to do for a long time. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Even though I knew this was possible there was a part of me that still had doubt.
I sat there thinking about all the other minor ailments that my body had and how they might be caused by my suppressed emotions. I know that this is just the beginning. My shoulder is much better but I can sense it is still not fully healed. There is still a little discomfort but I am pleased to say no pain. My next step will be to delve deeper, in the present moment, to face that which I have previously run away from.
What I realised is that we when we have suppressed emotions they can manifest in our bodies in several ways. It could be disease, muscular pain or just a general tightness or tension. The more we begin to understand this and to take responsibility for our own health, the more we can change our inner physical makeup. I think true healing though can only come when you take 100% responsibility for your emotional release journey.